Catharsis Milagrosa

Milagrosa is probably the worst trail to climb when it’s hot. In most people’s minds it’s the worst trail to climb period, actually (“downhill only”).

The high was projected at 97 in Tucson, and there was no chance I could get out before ~11am. The climbing is so slow, so steep, so technical, that effort is high and wind generation is zero.

But I went anyway.

And I didn’t bring much water. And I didn’t bring any legs.

I did bring a weakened immune system, a feverish body and a limping psyche.

I walked the expected sections on the lower stuff. I put no pressure on myself to ride anything I wasn’t comfortable with. No pressure to push limits, no pressure to learn. I’ve had more than my fair share of pressure and anxiety lately.

So it was a huge shock to find myself riding a section I have never even tried before. Something just looked different about it, looked good. Being away from a trail for months allowed me distance from it; it gave me a fresh approach.

And I just rode it. At the wash I burst out laughing, “crashing” on purpose into the sand.

Further up, I squeaked out a couple miracle sections that have a “cleaning” probability of 25%, at best.

Then, my body pretty much revolted. So I stopped and sat on a rock for a while.

Without a doubt, this is home. So many images and feelings, sights and smells, resounded in my subconscious mind. The link was unmistakable.

The site visit is over, and now I’m on the shit side of the stick. It’s amazing that a student who has been on leave of absence for a year and is dealing with a very difficult family situation suddenly has the weight of someone else’s project on his shoulders. And now it seems he is the chosen target, the best scapegoat for people’s frustrations. Deep breaths are needed all around.

The issue? When called on to talk about myself, I talked too much about mountain biking, the outdoors, and my passion for trails. Never mind that I tied it into being the inspiration for my research on trail and GPS stuff, which then ties nicely into the project at hand.

Wow.

I’m blown away by the notion that this might affect the funding of the grant, and that people feel it was bad enough of a problem to grill and harass me about it.

C’est la vie.

Taken by itself, it’s not that big of a deal, but I’m walking around half a man to begin with.

The downhill on Milagrosa was wonderful. It is clear that this is the path back. As soon as the body is willing, an epic is more than called for, it’s required.