Exit wound

The open road heals.

Few roads are as open as 89a in northern AZ. Thoughts rally in an open mind.

The trail, and especially this one (the AZT), has even greater healing potential.

Had I any semblance of health, I would have packed up the bikepacking bags and set out for an mind altering epic. But my back was still trashed, my sinuses full of devil bugs, my heart full of holes, and my mind deeply injured.

So I drove. And I walked, through the forest and next to tiny accumulations of snow. With each inhale of crisp air I could feel the toxicity of Tucson and of a failed relationship being exhaled. It’s time to move on, it’s time to heal.

family ride

One downside in being a fairly self reliant person is that you don’t often need to lean on others, and that gives fewer opportunities to be close to them. I’m lucky to have an awesome family, as I have written here many times before, and that fact has only proven itself again over the last weeks. I used to think myself self reliant, but a breakup and ensuing “details” were far more than I could handle alone — enter many good friends and my family.

My brother came to St. George with his newborn son, who I got to meet. New life and new possibilities, so evident in his eyes.

Though I was still weak as a kitten, daily rides and hikes were part of the prescription plan. OK, some antibiotics, too.

photo by Ken Morris

The world is a big and beautiful place, so much bigger than us and our little problems. Sometimes it’s just about taking time to remind ourselves of that, to be inspired by that, and to share it with people we love.

My parents are so cute in their desert paradise. It’s been good for them, and so good for me, especially in this case.

It was the perfect respite, free from Tucson’s negative influences (pollen being one of them), and surrounded by supportive loved ones.

My older brother also brought his family to St. George, the next weekend, so it was a double bonus for me.

I got to hang out and play with my twin niece and nephew:

It’s probably cliche, but the innocence of being a kid is a powerful thing.

It can be a great reminder that simple things like finding holes to climb in, exploring the world, and loving people openly are more important than so many of the silly things we find ourselves caught up in and worrying about, and more likely to bring happiness.

But it was still difficult to shut my mind down and sleep at night.

Thanks Clara and Owen, for blowing up cat tails, hiking and playing with me.

All too soon, I was on the mend, and it was time to head back to Tucson to pick up the pieces and move forward.

I stopped by a 25 hour race (Frog Hollow) to see some of my friends, doing their thing, doing one of the things I love so much to do. I knew I was in no kind of shape to be out there with them, but seeing that they were, and seeing the life so obviously coursing through them, was inspiring and reaffirming for future adventures.

Once again, the open road heals. This time snow covered a fair portion of the route (Jacob Lake and Flagstaff). There’s a stillness to the white snow, loathe it though I may, and a general feeling that “things” (e.g. people, atoms, grains of pollen) have settled down a little. I loved crunching my feet on the AZT, and driving through winter, even toying with the ‘heater’ in the Corsica, which does actually work.

Another successful trip for the legendary Corsica. I loved that car, but like so many other things in my life right now, it’s time to move on. I said this before, but I hope this is the last trip in that car for me! I came pretty close to pulling the trigger on a new one in St. George.

Once back in Tucson, the weather and air were so clear and so full of hope. I took the backroad to crash at Chad’s place (thanks Chad), and we set out for a ride or two, while I got started on building the future, one that looks bright from where I stand. It’s the place to be.